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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25053256">Lost Without You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomsandxfiles/pseuds/lovelyavengers'>lovelyavengers (fandomsandxfiles)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Jack Thompson Things [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Agent Carter (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Death, Depression, Established Relationship, F/M, Grief/Mourning, this was the product of a depressive episode oops</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 11:08:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,571</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25053256</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomsandxfiles/pseuds/lovelyavengers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Your world was shaken when Peggy told you the news. How were you going to go on?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jack Thompson (Marvel)/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Jack Thompson Things [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120916</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Lost Without You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this might just be the saddest thing I've ever written. </p><p>also i don't think I have to say this (it's been four years), but spoilers for the last episode of agent carter if you haven't seen it. </p><p>either way, hope you like it! you can always come yell at me about this fic on my tumblr <a href="https://fandomsandxfiles.tumblr.com/">@fandomsandxfiles</a> or request your own Jack Thompson one shot on my writing blog <a href="https://fandomsandxfiles-writes.tumblr.com/">@fandomsandxfiles-writes</a>.  all the requests are posted here as well.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The news broke you.  You could tell something was wrong from the minute you picked up the phone. You were just about to go home for the day, and the rest of the New York agents were packing up around you. "Peggy just spit it out," you said. "What happened? Is everyone okay?" </p><p>"Y/N, it's about Jack." </p><p>Despite the fact that you didn't know what was wrong, the world started to spin around you. "Peggy, just tell me." </p><p>"He was shot in his hotel room, a couple hours ago. I'm sorry, but he's dead Y/N." You felt like you were going to throw up.  You tried so hard to keep your balance, but you just couldn't. The phone clattered out of your hand and onto the desk as you blacked out and fell to the floor. </p><p>The other agents surrounded you when they saw you collapse.  Two of them kneeled down and checked on you while another got on the phone to find out what happened. The other agents watched the scene in shock, not knowing what had made you collapse like that. You weren't a person who could be shaken very easily, and to see you blacked out on the office floor was something completely new to them. </p><p>"I'll call you when she wakes up," the agent on the phone told Peggy before hanging up and turning to the rest of the men surrounding the desk.  "That was Agent Carter at the LA office. She says that the chief was shot and killed in his hotel room." </p><p>The room was silent as the agents took the news in.  Now it made sense that you had reacted in the way that you did, because you and the chief were newly engaged.  No one moved until you started to stir on the floor, groaning quietly. Agent Blake reached down to help you off the ground, and looked at you sadly. "Are you okay Agent L/N?" he asked. </p><p>You started to nod, but then remember why you had passed out in the first place. Your words caught in your throat and tears started to spill from your eyes. You quickly walked away from the other agents and into the chief's office, shutting the door behind you. The tears flowed more freely where no one else could see you, and you curled up in Jack's office chair, not knowing what to do next. </p><p>Some time later (you had no idea how long you sat, crying in his chair), there was a tentative knock at the door. "Y/N?" Agent Blake's voice came through the door. "Can I come in?" </p><p>You didn't answer, barely picking your head up to look at the door. Maybe he would leave if you didn't say anything. </p><p>Unluckily for you that wasn't the case. "Y/N, pretty much everyone has gone home, and myself and Agent Wilson are working the night shift tonight. Agent Carter asked that someone call her when you were feeling a little better, and if you want to do that yourself you can. But I really think you should go home and try to sleep," he said after a few minutes. "You don't have to call LA if you don't want to, I'll do it if you need." </p><p>You got up out of the chair and opened the door to look at Agent Blake.  "I'll call Peggy," you said softly. "Then I'll get out of your hair." </p><p>Before Agent Blake could respond, you shut the door, but he knew that you weren't trying to be mean.  It took several more minutes for you to actually pick up the phone and call Peggy, and as the line rang you wanted to hang up.  But before you placed the phone back down, you heard Peggy answer. "SSR Los Angeles, Agent Carter speaking." </p><p>"Peggy, it's me," you said roughly, your voice different from crying. </p><p>"Y/N, are you okay? Agent Spender said that you were unconscious," Peggy said worriedly. </p><p>"I want to come out to Los Angeles," you said suddenly, not answering her question. </p><p>"Y/N, you don't have to come out here." </p><p>"No, Peggy, you don't understand. I need to go out there, please.  I need to see him one last time." </p><p>"Y/N, I don't know if that's feasible-" Peggy started to say, but you cut her off. </p><p>"Peggy, <em>please</em>," you said softly, fresh tears welling in your eyes. </p><p>"I'll see what I can do." </p><p>***</p><p>You traveled to Los Angeles on Howard Stark's private jet, feeling numb the entire time.  Peggy was waiting for you when the plane landed, and informed you that you would be staying at Howard Stark's mansion while you were in town. You had met the eccentric millionaire before, when his weapons were stolen last year, and he seemed nice, if not a bit odd. You followed Peggy silently into the larger-than-life mansion, and barely managed to introduce (or reintroduce) yourself to Howard, Jarvis, and Ana.  As you walked away, you heard Howard mutter something along the lines of "if she wasn't a grieving widow..." but you shook your head and moved on. You weren't actually a widow, but you and Jack were engaged, so you might as well have been one at this point. </p><p>Peggy showed you to one of the many guest rooms, and sat down on the bed, a part of you still not believing what happened. "Y/N?" Peggy asked quietly.  "I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm here for you, okay?" </p><p>You nodded.  "When can I see him?" </p><p>"I don't think that is a good idea," Peggy said.  </p><p>"Peggy, that's the whole reason I came out to LA in the first place, remember?" </p><p>"Yes, but Y/N I don't want to add to your suffering by allowing you to see him."</p><p>"Peggy, I <em>need</em> to see him," you said, tears in your eyes. "I need to know that this is real, that he's really gone. I need to tell him goodbye, tell him that I love him, even if it's just one last time. Please?" </p><p>Peggy was silent for a few moments, but eventually she gave in.  "Fine."</p><p>The ride to the morgue facility was silent.  You tried your hardest to keep it together, sitting in the backseat of the car, trying not to let Chief Sousa (who was driving) see how broken you were now, how lost you were without Jack. Peggy and Daniel led you through the facility, and into a small room, with a large window made of two-way glass on one wall, and your heart broke when you saw what was through the glass. </p><p>Jack Thompson, the love of your life, lying lifeless on top of a table, his skin as pale as ice. You ripped open the door separating the two rooms and ran over to him. You gently touched his hand, knowing that it would be cold, but nothing truly could have prepared you for what it felt like to hold your dead lover's hand, wishing with all that you had left that he wouldn't be dead. </p><p>You broke down right there, still gripping his hand. You sank down to the floor sobbing, making no effort to hide your emotions. You knew that Peggy and Daniel were watching from the other room, but in that moment you didn't care. You let go of his hand when the pain of knowing he was gone became too much.  </p><p>You would have never believed your life would turn out this way.  That you would be robbed of the love of your life, of all the moments you could have had, of growing old together. What was the most cruel part about it was that you now had to continue with your life, like nothing happened. Like the person you loved most in the whole world wasn't lying dead on a table in a Los Angeles morgue, put there by unknown assassins who would likely never be caught, never have to pay for what they did to him, to you. </p><p>You sat there on the ground next to him and cried, nonstop.  You didn't think you would ever run out of tears, that you would ever be okay again. </p><p>You didn't know how long you were in that room, sobbing over your lost love.  And it wasn't until you felt a hand on your shoulder that you looked up to meet Peggy's gaze. Her eyes were slightly red as well, as if she'd been crying, and you were sure that you looked like a wreck.  She helped you up off the ground and you sank into her arms. "Y/N," she said softly, patting your shoulder gently. "I know." </p><p>"I told him to be safe," you croaked out in a hoarse voice.  "Right before he left for LA the last time, I wanted to come with him, but I didn't." </p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>"Are you sure you don't want me to come out to Los Angeles with you?"  you asked as Jack packed up and was heading out for his flight. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Darling, I'm sure," he said. "I don't think they'll be that much danger out there. I'm just going to check up on Carter and Sousa, and then I'll be going to some fundraiser gala.  It won't exactly be life-threatening." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Alright Jack," you said. "But if you need anything at all, you call and I'll take the first flight over to California, okay?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Okay," he laughed, leaning in to kiss you lightly on the lips. "I love you, you know that?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I love you too Jack," you smiled, stealing another kiss. "Be safe out there." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I always am Y/N." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Jack! Promise!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I promise darling." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>You returned to Howard Stark's mansion, and from that point on you felt like a shell of your former self. You barely ate, drank, or slept, and most of the day was spent in your bedroom, staring at the wall and imagining how things could have ended up differently. You cried almost constantly, day and night, and walked around the house like a ghost.  Peggy expressed that it would be best if you stayed in Los Angeles at Howard's house for a little bit until you recovered, because she feared you would waste away in your now lonely New York apartment. In LA, at least the Jarvises could take care of you. </p><p>And then one day, about a week later, your grief turned to rage. You stormed into the Los Angeles SSR one day, walking angrily into Daniel's office as the rest of the agents looked on in confusion. "Something needs to be done!" you said.  "I will not let him die for nothing!" </p><p>So that's what you did now, all day and all night.  You hadn't slept in days, maybe weeks, instead pouring over old files, newspaper articles, and anything else you could get your hands on. The agents of the Los Angeles SSR became used to seeing you just around the office, eyes slightly red, pouring obsessively over old files and muttering to yourself.  </p><p>Until one day, you cracked it.  The Council of Nine.  There was evidence that it had regrouped after Whitney Frost was taken to prison, and had added new members to fit the number in its name.  And through determination, and maybe pure delusion, you found something that could sink them.  </p><p>You didn't think of Jack any less while you helped Peggy and Daniel take down the council of meddling rich men, exposing their schemes to the world, the terror and misery that they orchestrated only to sit back and revel in the money they made from it. You had hoped that you would find some closure regarding Jack's death in the files that were hidden in the Arena Club, but you found nothing. </p><p>"He'd be proud of you you know," Peggy said as you got out of the car back at Howard's, tired and ready to drop dead. </p><p>"I just wish that we'd have found who shot him there," you said quietly, trying to fight back tears. "It doesn't feel worth it." </p><p>"We will find who shot him Y/N," Peggy said as she pulled you into a hug.  "They can't run forever." </p><p>But you never did find out who shot Jack Thompson, no matter how hard you looked. And you never stopped looking. After months in Los Angeles, you decided to make your move permanent, officially transferring to the LA office. There you continued your crusade to find the truth, the truth about what happened to Jack that day in his hotel room, deciding that you would never give up, no matter what you were faced with. </p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>Sometime in 2016</em>
</p><p>Steve Rogers walked through the cemetery in the dead of night. He shouldn't have even risked coming to Washington DC, but he had to.  Him and the rest of his team were on the run now, destined to live out the rest of their lives as fugitives, and the whole world was looking for them. </p><p>The rest of his team were sitting in a warehouse in the middle-of-nowhere Pennsylvania, and eventually he would return to them, but he had taken this journey now, by himself. He needed to see Peggy, to see where she was put to rest, and to pay his respects to the woman that inspired him to do so much. </p><p>He found her name, etched beautifully into smooth stone, and stopped. He was silent there for a few minutes, and he didn't know what to say, even though she couldn't hear him.  </p><p>"She did so much," a voice said behind him, and Steve whipped around to see Natasha, holding a small bouquet of flowers.  "I thought you'd come back here," she admitted as she handed him the flowers. "And I knew you wouldn't be prepared, so here you go." </p><p>"Thank you," Steve said quietly as he laid the bouquet against her headstone.  She was buried with her husband, and Steve was happy that she was able to find love again, and that she had someone to take care of her. He thanked Daniel silently for looking out for her.  </p><p>"She helped found SHIELD you know," Natasha said as she stepped up next to Steve.  "Along with Tony's father, and some others. They're here too," she said, pointing to a headstone just left of Peggy's.  </p><p>Steve leaned in closer to read the names. "Y/N L/N 1918 - 1998 and Jack Thompson 1917 - 1947. Who were they?" he asked.  </p><p>"They all worked for the SSR after the war," Natasha said. "Y/N and Jack were engaged, but he was killed during a case, and she worked tirelessly to find his killer, but she never did. She went on to found SHIELD with Peggy, in his name.  I remember seeing photos of her, and Fury told me about her. She kept a photo of him on her desk, as a constant reminder of what she was fighting for. Together, they were SHIELD." </p><p>"Even Thompson? You said he died before it was founded." </p><p>"I would argue especially him," Natasha said. "I think Y/N liked to believe that he stayed by her side for all those years, sighing at all the dumb things her and Peggy got themselves into. The ones you love never truly leave you, and she knew that. Peggy knew that too, you know, and now that's something you need to learn." </p><p>"Yeah," Steve said sadly. "I know."</p><p>
  <em>- the end - </em>
</p>
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